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DanDringle.com


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Taco Bell unleashes the new Triple Steak Stack, a soft warm flatbread with their patented Three-Cheese Blend over a Triple Portion of 100% USDA Select Marinaded Grilled Steak and…
…Is this some kind of joke?  
Is it?  
Is this some kind of joke, Theresa?  
Was covering my passport in cocaine residue just before I left for my business trip in Mexico supposed to be funny?  Was it?  I bet you’re laughing so hard you’re soaking your soggy swamp bog cunt in gin piss right now.  
I’m glad you think it’s funny.  Border patrol sure thought it was funny.  I’m being held at a patrol station right across the border.  I can’t see because there are no windows, but I know Mexico is right outside my window because the air smells like black bean ass beefs and laziness.   
You should see the bathroom here. Fucking disgusting.  Let me ask you a question, which of the following has a higher probability of actually happening: me building my own time machine to go back and fuck Madeline Stowe in the asshole on the set of Twelve Monkeys, or a single one of these Mexican inbred pickled pepper dick retards using a toilet without pissing on the seat?  
I’ve been in and out of consciousness for the better part of the last twelve hours.  Have you ever been kicked so hard in the mouth by a Tejano border patrol officer that you swallowed a fused three-unit porcelain metal dental bridge.  It felt like I was shitting out a crumbled Mountain Dew can.  
If Texas is the asshole of the United States, Mexico is the anal fissure of America itself.  A violent tear in Lady Liberty’s already battered and bruised brown eye.  
I can hear them chattering outside.  They’re talking about having me prosecuted in Mexico, Theresa.  IN MEXICO!  They are going to lock me away in some dark Mexican dungeon and force me to eat their semen for breakfast and other meals!
THAT IS UNLESS SOMEONE CAN GET THEIR FAT ASS OVER HERE TO SHOW THEM FURTHER LEGAL DOCUMENTATION THAT I AM WHO I SAY I AM SO YOU HAD BETTER GET THAT SWEAT PANT COVERED GARBAGE BAG OF BABY FOOD YOU CALL AN ASS ON THE FIRST PLANE TO THIS BACKWARDS TEXAS BORDERTOWN TO GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO SPEND ONE MINUTE MORE THAN I HAVE TO SMELLING THE CURDLED SOUR CREAM BREATHE OF THESE PEOPLE I WILL FINALLY FUCKING KILL YOU, THERESA!  
DO YOU HEAR ME!?!
I will kill you. 
I will kill you.
I will kill you.
- Don Diego de la Dringle

Taco Bell unleashes the new Triple Steak Stack, a soft warm flatbread with their patented Three-Cheese Blend over a Triple Portion of 100% USDA Select Marinaded Grilled Steak and…

…Is this some kind of joke?  

Is it?  

Is this some kind of joke, Theresa?  

Was covering my passport in cocaine residue just before I left for my business trip in Mexico supposed to be funny?  Was it?  I bet you’re laughing so hard you’re soaking your soggy swamp bog cunt in gin piss right now.  

I’m glad you think it’s funny.  Border patrol sure thought it was funny.  I’m being held at a patrol station right across the border.  I can’t see because there are no windows, but I know Mexico is right outside my window because the air smells like black bean ass beefs and laziness.   

You should see the bathroom here. Fucking disgusting.  Let me ask you a question, which of the following has a higher probability of actually happening: me building my own time machine to go back and fuck Madeline Stowe in the asshole on the set of Twelve Monkeys, or a single one of these Mexican inbred pickled pepper dick retards using a toilet without pissing on the seat?  

I’ve been in and out of consciousness for the better part of the last twelve hours.  Have you ever been kicked so hard in the mouth by a Tejano border patrol officer that you swallowed a fused three-unit porcelain metal dental bridge.  It felt like I was shitting out a crumbled Mountain Dew can.  

If Texas is the asshole of the United States, Mexico is the anal fissure of America itself.  A violent tear in Lady Liberty’s already battered and bruised brown eye.  

I can hear them chattering outside.  They’re talking about having me prosecuted in Mexico, Theresa.  IN MEXICO!  They are going to lock me away in some dark Mexican dungeon and force me to eat their semen for breakfast and other meals!

THAT IS UNLESS SOMEONE CAN GET THEIR FAT ASS OVER HERE TO SHOW THEM FURTHER LEGAL DOCUMENTATION THAT I AM WHO I SAY I AM SO YOU HAD BETTER GET THAT SWEAT PANT COVERED GARBAGE BAG OF BABY FOOD YOU CALL AN ASS ON THE FIRST PLANE TO THIS BACKWARDS TEXAS BORDERTOWN TO GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO SPEND ONE MINUTE MORE THAN I HAVE TO SMELLING THE CURDLED SOUR CREAM BREATHE OF THESE PEOPLE I WILL FINALLY FUCKING KILL YOU, THERESA!  

DO YOU HEAR ME!?!

I will kill you. 

I will kill you.

I will kill you.

- Don Diego de la Dringle

09:11 am, BY dandringle[4 notes]

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New DANDRINGLE.COM stickers now available.  
Slap ‘em all over your town and help make Dan harder to get rid of than the bed bugs you picked up at that hotel near the airport in Memphis. 
Email your address to DanDringle@gmail.com for your free “Dick Turkey” stickers, but just remember: Now Dan knows where you live.

New DANDRINGLE.COM stickers now available.  

Slap ‘em all over your town and help make Dan harder to get rid of than the bed bugs you picked up at that hotel near the airport in Memphis. 

Email your address to DanDringle@gmail.com for your free “Dick Turkey” stickers, but just remember: Now Dan knows where you live.

11:51 am, BY dandringle[5 notes]

Comments